Indian Contest

Indian Contest

By Shannon O'Lear

There is a strong message here.

And, yours truly, has taken part in a "white legs" contest. It was very funny but that is another story.

There's a contest going on in Indian Country. It's been going on for some time and I'm not sure when prizes will be awarded.

It's the "I'm More Indian" Contest.

Yep, to anyone who knows two or more Indians, there is sure to be a great debate as to which one is "more" Indian. I'll just end that right now: it's me.

I have more native drum tapes than anybody else. I also have probably spent more money on beaded earrings than anybody else.

It's me. Case closed.

Ah, but I'll probably get some argument there. Somebody knows how to make pottery and I don't, and somebody can make baskets lickety-split and I can't make a small one in less than two years.

Somebody else can bead and I have ruined a princess crown in just trying my hand at it so that definitely might eliminate me from the Indian Contest.

All those people might be more Indian.

Those who are "more Indian" seem to gloat on it. Somebody even told me
once that I thought I was Indian.

You know, come to think of it, I've never engaged in a contest to see how much more Irish I was than anybody else.
(I take that back, but the days of trying to drink someone under the table are long gone.) I don't even have to wear green on St. Patrick's Day because I am that Irish.

But I can't tell you a flip about my Spanish or Czech backgrounds. I lose the contest on those. Wait a minute! There is no contest for that.

Only in Indian Country. Only in Indian Country will you find people demanding to see a tribal ID card that will brand you certifiably Indian in someone's eyes and even then they'll look good and hard at that blood quantum percentage.And only in Indian Country will you see people learning the languages of some other tribe to make them "more Indian" than you. Only in Indian ask a local Indian what the dance going on means and have them snub you
because, dadgummit, they don't know but they are "too Indian" to tell you that!

I mean, for pete's sake, Indians are supposed to know everything about everything in this "I'm More Indian" contest. I'm running around doing Cherokee programs and people are asking me about Blackfeet culture. Hey, do I look Blackfeet? Did anything I told you here today even hint that I was Blackfeet? I don't even know any Blackfeet.

Heck, I'm still trying to figure out my own culture without a bunch of yahoos testing me on how Indian I am on whether I can recite the Great Law of the Iroquois or how many times I smoke a sacred pipe every day.

Yeah, I feel stupid when I have to ask a question about an aspect of Cherokee culture I don't know, but I don't know because my family didn't know because somewhere in our family somebody had to protect their Indian behind from getting whacked so they just quit thinking about it and along the way it was forgotten for good.

There are people running around proclaiming themselves front runners in the Indian Contest because they have a tribal card but they don't know one lick about their culture. And I don't think they even own a drum tape either or paid nearly as much as I did for even one pair of beaded earrings.

A couple of months ago, Taos flutist Robert Mirabal made an informal performance at a shop outside of Atlanta. He said something like, "You know, people ask me my Indian name. Besides the fact that people can't pronounce it, Mirabal is the name given to my family. It's a name given to gypsies in the old country. It's my name and I honor it for who I am. I can get bogged down in the negativity, but why?"

Mirabal has the right idea. He would probably get the congeniality award in the Indian Contest because there aren't too many contenders for it that I've seen.

Put all of us Indians in a bathing suit in February. Let's have a look at those white legs and get this Indian Contest over with once and for all.

I will sit on the sidelines and sell beaded sunglasses, thereby making me the most entrepreneurial Indian …

Reprinted under Fair Use Title 17 Section 107